serious talk

*{Branden+...: wb
drewschkelton: thanks
*{Branden+Drew}*: did u get what i sent u b4?
drewschkelton: I was having some technickle dificultys
drewschkelton: no
*{Branden+Drew}*: i said...
*{Branden+Drew}*: this is the part i didn't understand about ur whole moving thing
*{Branden+Drew}*: I want to leave cause I have stuff I want to do in life
drewschkelton: yeah like objectives that I want to pursue
drewschkelton: in science, making things, meeting people related to my research.
drewschkelton: dont worry
drewschkelton: I still have not told you everything that I do
drewschkelton: barely anything really
drewschkelton: I will involve you
drewschkelton: but Im pretty sure you wont be into everything
drewschkelton: I am
drewschkelton: I said I was gonna blow your mind ... but I didnt get to while you were here
drewschkelton: its ok
drewschkelton: more time for later
*{Branden+Drew}*: Damn i get depressed everytime i see u cuz i want u here and i fuckin miss u soo damn much
drewschkelton: lol
drewschkelton: just chill
drewschkelton: I know you will be back over
drewschkelton: get your stuff done
drewschkelton: and play heavy rain
*{Branden+Drew}*: i know i'll b bck over 2 babe...i just wish i had u here with me
*{Branden+Drew}*: u have no clue how damn hard it is
drewschkelton: to be honest I miss you but Ive never missed anyone like that
drewschkelton: Ive always been away from people
*{Branden+Drew}*: yea...
*{Branden+Drew}*: i want u here babe
drewschkelton: so I dont know what to say
drewschkelton: it makes me sad thinking about you not being here
*{Branden+Drew}*: i hate to think about HOW LONG THT CAN B b4 tht happens
drewschkelton: it wont be too long
*{Branden+Drew}*: u don't know how sad i am seeing u right now instead of having u here right by my side :(
*{Branden+Drew}*: i can barely stare at ur cam it hurts so damn bad
drewschkelton: everything will be alright babe
drewschkelton: go jackoff
drewschkelton: and smoke some pot
drewschkelton: oh yeah
drewschkelton: ... you dont have any...
*{Branden+Drew}*: BABE
drewschkelton: =D
*{Branden+Drew}*: seriously it hurts
drewschkelton: im just messin with ya babe
*{Branden+Drew}*: i know
*{Branden+Drew}*: it just hurts with u not bein here
drewschkelton: hey branden
*{Branden+Drew}*: like i've never been this down about not having ANYONE here
*{Branden+Drew}*: i feel so down i could cry
drewschkelton: dont be sad
drewschkelton: get glad
drewschkelton: and get gald about this
drewschkelton: cause I have something to ask
*{Branden+Drew}*: it hard
drewschkelton: Im gonnacut my hair
drewschkelton: like jake in that game
drewschkelton: short on the side and back and longer on the top
drewschkelton: still shaggy
*{Branden+Drew}*: lookin forward to seein it
drewschkelton: so is it ok?
drewschkelton: can I do it?
*{Branden+Drew}*: wish u were here so i could FEEL it and pull on it in person tho.
drewschkelton: =D
*{Branden+Drew}*: sure babe u can do it
drewschkelton: sweet
*{Branden+Drew}*: :/
drewschkelton: just chill babe
drewschkelton: stay busy
drewschkelton: and find stuff to do
drewschkelton: and invest in
drewschkelton: think about it like I told you
drewschkelton: its like when I clean
drewschkelton: when you were coming over... its was sucky but I knew it was for you because you were coming over
drewschkelton: and I felt closer to you and It helped me go on
drewschkelton: just ... deal with it babe
*{Branden+Drew}*: yea
drewschkelton: You Can Do IT!!!!
*{Branden+Drew}*: i just wish all this stuff i was doin right now was stuff tht had a purpose not just for me but 4 u
drewschkelton: just do your stuff
drewschkelton: the more you do for yourself the more I get to have with me
drewschkelton: I wont hold you back and you wont for me
*{Branden+Drew}*: i wish this move was also helping by getting u in a different environment and help get our traveing
drewschkelton: every thing we do is for eachother in a way
*{Branden+Drew}*: started and everything
drewschkelton: well it will be easier for me to come over since you dont have a whole family there
*{Branden+Drew}*: it will b babe my aunt is cool with it and she would luv for tht to happen babe
*{Branden+Drew}*: she really is lookin forward to meeting u and tlkin
*{Branden+Drew}*: just us 3 hanging out
*{Branden+Drew}*: u stay at home all day while i wrk and save up the money for our future
*{Branden+Drew}*: u get to just hang out and chill with my aunt at home all day u have my whole room to urself....free to do whatever whenever without her caring
drewschkelton: thats not what I want to do though branden
drewschkelton: mabye later but not after I leave my dads place...
*{Branden+Drew}*: when babe?!....i mean...i can't just sit here for YEARS waitin for u to decide tht u want to move in with me
drewschkelton: I know but I never expected this to happen
*{Branden+Drew}*: i had to turn off ur cam babe....it hurts to fuckin much seein u without be there with u or having u here
drewschkelton: I need to see what I need to do
drewschkelton: before I was gonna tour the world in the peace core
drewschkelton: so I need to figure it out
*{Branden+Drew}*: i guess the way i would luv things to happen and get started with us
*{Branden+Drew}*: is haveing u here with me living with me and my aunt.WHILE do ur thinkin and everything about what u want to do with ur life
*{Branden+Drew}*: and when ur ready and figure everything out while i'm saving up money for us
*{Branden+Drew}*: then we GO DO IT
*{Branden+Drew}*: wutever it be
*{Branden+Drew}*: i just...
*{Branden+Drew}*: i'm ready to b with someone babe and i would like tht person to b here with me
*{Branden+Drew}*: which is u
*{Branden+Drew}*: but its hard wanting what i want to b happening right now when u don't know when or what u want to do in life
*{Branden+Drew}*: and if u even want to move in with me at all?!
drewschkelton: I want to be with my and I would like to move in at some time
drewschkelton: but right now and once I get out of my dads is not a good idea
drewschkelton: you wont understand right now
*{Branden+Drew}*: i dont babe
*{Branden+Drew}*: and i guess i need 2
*{Branden+Drew}*: cuz i don't understand compeletly wut u want with our future
drewschkelton: I know
drewschkelton: well this kinda just happened
drewschkelton: I was planing to do my thing that I was planning
drewschkelton: but I needed to figure it out
drewschkelton: the loss of my buddy and other things in my life stopped me and I needed to get things together
drewschkelton: I was in the process when I met you
drewschkelton: so im not gonna just stop and wait... I cant do that... I dont know what it is but I know its not staying still after I leave my place
*{Branden+Drew}*: i'm not askin u to stay still if u move in with me
*{Branden+Drew}*: u'd b doing wut ur doin now
*{Branden+Drew}*: just here with me
*{Branden+Drew}*: and u don't know how long its gona take for u to get all ur planning done
*{Branden+Drew}*: and then WAITING on getting all tht started could take even longer
*{Branden+Drew}*: and i just don
*{Branden+Drew}*: don't know if i can last tht long?
drewschkelton: I know
drewschkelton: I already said that Ididnt want to hurt you cause I know you wanted me to move in imedietly
drewschkelton: But im going to do something amazing
drewschkelton: and its gonna happen soon
drewschkelton: I need to be out and around
drewschkelton: I would be saving up for a motorcycle but I need to have a car so Ican have room to travel with stuff
drewschkelton: we will talk about it once I decide
drewschkelton: its all speculative
drewschkelton: I just need time
*{Branden+Drew}*: babe i need to know wut this ur plannin
*{Branden+Drew}*: u have no idea how much it hurts me just waiting around not knowing when to expect a answer or for us to make a move in this relationship right now
*{Branden+Drew}*: i had to turn my cam off for now i'm almost in fuckin tears i'm so down right now cuz i miss u and want u here with me so fuckin much babe
*{Branden+Drew}*: it hurts and i can't handle it
drewschkelton: Im sorry babe
drewschkelton: wish I could wrap my arms around you and comfort you
*{Branden+Drew}*: idk wut 2 do babe
*{Branden+Drew}*: me 2
drewschkelton: just chill
drewschkelton: its will be alright
drewschkelton: im gonna finish my stuff and I will be back
*{Branden+Drew}*: how?
*{Branden+Drew}*: i'm wanting u to b here with me but u don't know ur next move in life is
*{Branden+Drew}*: and its not stayin here with me for awhile?
*{Branden+Drew}*: cuz thts not what u want
*{Branden+Drew}*: idk how much longer i'm gonna b on
*{Branden+Drew}*: could u not give it a try like i did?
drewschkelton: I can
drewschkelton: but I dont know when
drewschkelton: when you get your place for sure
*{Branden+Drew}*: u mean my OWN place?...or my place with my aunt?
drewschkelton: but I wouldnt be able to smoke, or know that I have you alone cause your brothers andsister would be there
drewschkelton: my anxiety would be off the roof
drewschkelton: but we'll get there
*{Branden+Drew}*: babe when i move out like within a month or 2 with my aunt
*{Branden+Drew}*: its just gonna be me and my aunt
*{Branden+Drew}*: no one else
drewschkelton: ah that fast
*{Branden+Drew}*: just u me and my aunt
*{Branden+Drew}*: and she even said she wouldn't mind us snugglin on the couch or being intimate in front of her
drewschkelton: I wouldnt think that she would be
*{Branden+Drew}*: she is babe
*{Branden+Drew}*: told me herself today
*{Branden+Drew}*: lol she even said she wanted u to cook for her haha
*{Branden+Drew}*: i bragged about u with tht
drewschkelton: ^^
drewschkelton: mmmm
drewschkelton: I am a good cook...
*{Branden+Drew}*: mmhmm
*{Branden+Drew}*: babe i just....
*{Branden+Drew}*: i want u and i'm ready for u to b here with me and live ur life with me
drewschkelton: I love you babe
drewschkelton: I need to figure out what Im gonna do
*{Branden+Drew}*: i luv u 2 drew....
*{Branden+Drew}*: and i want u here with me
*{Branden+Drew}*: i want to figure out our future with u by my side
*{Branden+Drew}*: not on the other side of the cam
drewschkelton: im not ready for that right now
drewschkelton: I need to see what I want to do instead of what you want us to do
*{Branden+Drew}*: not having u here just makes it harder
*{Branden+Drew}*: it turns right n2 a long distance relationship
*{Branden+Drew}*: and those are hard as FUCK
drewschkelton: as much as I would love to live with you.. its not what I want to do right now... I would be in pain the whole time if I dont pursue my objective
drewschkelton: I wouldnt be happy
drewschkelton: at all
drewschkelton: so let me do my thing and figure out exactly whats going on
drewschkelton: I know
*{Branden+Drew}*: babe ur objectives could take YEARS
*{Branden+Drew}*: i can't wait tht long
drewschkelton: I DONT KNOW WHAT IM GOING TO DO
drewschkelton: I need to figure it out first
drewschkelton: please
drewschkelton: I know its a long distance relationship... but Im getting my license and stuff at some time..
*{Branden+Drew}*: ........
*{Branden+Drew}*: years babe
drewschkelton: I will be out of here... and I probably will live with you but I need my time
*{Branden+Drew}*: YEAAAAAARS
drewschkelton: even if it does or if it doesnt
drewschkelton: this is extremely important to me
drewschkelton: I will not let you hold me back
*{Branden+Drew}*: i'm not holding u bck tho.
drewschkelton: I ended my relationships with all my friends because they were not able to be good for me and what I wanted to do
drewschkelton: I know your not
drewschkelton: but If I just moved in right now and say that I will like you want me to I wouldnt be able to
drewschkelton: unless I was like medicated on anxiety medicine the whole time
drewschkelton: Ive got alot on my mind
drewschkelton: so lets slow this down till I figure out whats going on
*{Branden+Drew}*: idk wuts goin on?....how don't know how long ur gonna take
drewschkelton: im not ready to have a relatioship like whe have honestly.. I dont have a car or anyway to make money
drewschkelton: and im doing other things. I know I can involve you and be in your life
*{Branden+Drew}*: and not knowing tht is wut hurts cuz i can't keep waiting years and years for u to decide if u want to b here with me or not
drewschkelton: but I cant get anything done right now
drewschkelton: we have known eachother for a month a nd a half now man
drewschkelton: I have been doing this thing for years
drewschkelton: please...
drewschkelton: this is getting real serioius
drewschkelton: I love you but I mean come on...
drewschkelton: lets take this a little slower
*{Branden+Drew}*: ..
*{Branden+Drew}*: are u not the one who told me u wanted me to live out there with u?
drewschkelton: yes
*{Branden+Drew}*: stay 3 weeks visit home for a week and then come bck out there?
drewschkelton: yeah we were talkin about that
*{Branden+Drew}*: ....
*{Branden+Drew}*: wuts so different then?
*{Branden+Drew}*: between doin tht there or here?
drewschkelton: its my anxiety.. please
drewschkelton: I hate playing that card
drewschkelton: but its bade
drewschkelton: bad
drewschkelton: I dont live with people....
drewschkelton: I already told you that
drewschkelton: leaving my house is a big thing
drewschkelton: I honestly dont want to talk about this right now
drewschkelton: I dont know what to say
*{Branden+Drew}*: .....
drewschkelton: and thats why I am saying slow down...
*{Branden+Drew}*: idk wut i'm gonna do drew
drewschkelton: and you ask what Im gonna do
drewschkelton: I dont know right know I need to figure that out
*{Branden+Drew}*: is it the best thing for us to b together right now?
drewschkelton: thats what we discussed over here
drewschkelton: I still like to think that we are though
*{Branden+Drew}*: i can't b with someone though if i can't have them here with me
*{Branden+Drew}*: i can't do long distance relationships
drewschkelton: true
*{Branden+Drew}*: ....
drewschkelton: so what... are you gonna make us separate again?.... I need time to figure things out and I said I didnt want to talk about this right now
drewschkelton: please just deal with your loneliness a bit longer..
drewschkelton: I need to figure things out
*{Branden+Drew}*: idk drew....i need someone who is gonna b here with me n my life right now
*{Branden+Drew}*: thts wut i want and need
*{Branden+Drew}*: i've been alone my whole life
*{Branden+Drew}*: u'm tired of it and thts why i started dating u cuz i believed tht u were the answer to all tht
drewschkelton: I understand branden
drewschkelton: but you should understand that I was not looking for a boyfriend right now...
drewschkelton: I wanted one
drewschkelton: but its not a good time
*{Branden+Drew}*: ...........
drewschkelton: at first me and you were supposed to be friends.. be we got along great and I wanted to spend more time with you... I enjoy your company
drewschkelton: but that doesnt mean that Im gonna stop everything I have going for me... I have you and Thats great and Im thankful that I have such a hunk
drewschkelton: but I dont have anything else... no job.. money. car. license... im not even legal...
*{Branden+Drew}*: i can't just run away 4rm home tho. and b with u there
drewschkelton: Ive got things that I need to do... I can make a serious contribution to human life
drewschkelton: and It needs to be done
drewschkelton: so please give me time
*{Branden+Drew}*: my point is
*{Branden+Drew}*: u could b doing tht for years
drewschkelton: if you care about this then you will give this mroe time before giving up on me
*{Branden+Drew}*: i can give u time and i would never give up on u
*{Branden+Drew}*: its tht fact tht it can take YEARS
drewschkelton: it could
*{Branden+Drew}*: and i don't think i can wait tht long to have u here in my life
drewschkelton: but if it did I would tell you now
drewschkelton: so give me time so I can figure this out
drewschkelton: if you just want to end it...
drewschkelton: i mean... I dont want that
*{Branden+Drew}*: i don't want to end it drew i fuckin LUV U i don't cry about ANYTHING and i'm almost in tears right now cuz i don't want tht to happen
drewschkelton: but whatever... I guess then you can find someone else to make you happy... but the thing is ... in relationships for them to work you need to be happy with yourself... you cant expect the other
drewschkelton: person to be your daddy
*{Branden+Drew}*: but i also can't keep goin on without u in my life
drewschkelton: thats why I wouldnt even really like you buying things for me... its weird ...
*{Branden+Drew}*: i'm not trying to b ur daddy drw
*{Branden+Drew}*: drew
drewschkelton: no its like im being yours
drewschkelton: or a pet
drewschkelton: something to make you happpy
*{Branden+Drew}*: its the whole part of a relationship and showing ur luv for tht other person
drewschkelton: if you want Me.. just chill and give me time
*{Branden+Drew}*: drew why would u say tht?
*{Branden+Drew}*: ur not
drewschkelton: I say that because I feel like your pressuring me... and I dont like that...
*{Branden+Drew}*: and i said i can give u "TIME"
drewschkelton: ok
*{Branden+Drew}*: i just can't give u years
drewschkelton: dont worry I know that
drewschkelton: just let what happens happen
*{Branden+Drew}*: Drew
*{Branden+Drew}*: i love u
drewschkelton: I know babe
*{Branden+Drew}*: i'm just not gonna sit around for 6 month's waiting on a answer
drewschkelton: I understand
*{Branden+Drew}*: i guess i just need to end the night like this.....
*{Branden+Drew}*: well drew i luv u.....goodnight and i guess i'll tlk to u whenever i hear from ya
*{Branden+Drew}*: just one last thing and i'm done for the night
drewschkelton: mhmm yes Branden?
*{Branden+Drew}*: try to picture and give some thought into how ur life would be like if u were to b here with me and live with me?...just u me and my aunt in our own apartment....until we saved up to do all the things
*{Branden+Drew}*: n life tht we wanted to do
drewschkelton: I will babe
drewschkelton: thats the kind of thinking that I need to do
*{Branden+Drew}*: ........
drewschkelton: sober thinking
*{Branden+Drew}*: deep thought babe
drewschkelton: mhmm
*{Branden+Drew}*: really really think about it
*{Branden+Drew}*: all i can say is tht u won't regret it baby u will enjoy it and we will have a amazing time
*{Branden+Drew}*: and future together with u here/
drewschkelton: I will
drewschkelton: I love you branden
drewschkelton: I will think about it
*{Branden+Drew}*: luv u 2
*{Branden+Drew}*: gdnight
drewschkelton: gnight

and I think im in ...Love?

my mind is aflutter after it hits me, Im going to meet a awesome guy, not just meet but he is getting on a bus and coming to my place for a week. I was scared before, my mind full of thoughts of what if but could it... he probably wont be able to stand me.. we might not be compatible.. is this real?...he's madly in love with me! or so it seems.. I wish I could say I love him but sadly I dont know what that is.

yesterday we told the chatroom about our arrangement. I spoke for us with him.. its was odd and made my chest feel like I was gonna rise out of my seat.. us.. you see for my whole life all I've thought about was me.. Ofcourse I care and did things for others but that begining thought .. that introduction of who is making the action.. instead of me it was us.... I liked that . It was very nice. something fulfilling about saying something together with conviction.
was this it?.. was this love? or perhaps just a teenage romance... either way I feel its time to move in my life...

chapter 3

Branden.